Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday!

I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems. I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.

I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.

The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention!

  1. Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition.
  2. I hope I didn’t brain my damage.
  3. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?